Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Housing Prices to Drop, and Americans Choose to be Nomads

While the housing market appears to be improving along with the overall American economy, RUIN (Realty Universal Insolvency Network), a Washington think tank, announced that home prices are set to tumble next year.  With the Federal Reserve due to raise interest rates, and the ensuing bursting of the stock market bubble there is sure to be a collapse in the "frothy" real estate market. Upon hearing this news scores of would-be homeowners as well as current owners of condos, townhouses, and stand alone homes have opted for a nomadic lifestyle.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Vladmir Putin - Hello Kitty Superfan

President Putin's official photograph
for the Hello Kitty Fan Club.

Moscow, Russia In what maybe the strangest attempt for any public figure to soften his or her public image, Vladmir Putin, the President of the Russian Federation, has announced to the world the he is Hello Kitty's biggest superfan.

Anonymous sources deep in the Russian government stated that President Putin has been concerned about
Hello Kitty in happier times.
his image for some time. While the authoritarian leader in the past loved to have himself photographed shirtless while wrestling the Giant Carnivorous Mink indigenous to Siberia, he is getting on in years and the time for taking his shirt off in public is long gone. "The man is 62 years old and unless you are Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger hitting the gym constantly a man that age should keep his torso covered," stated a senior Kremlin official.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Matt Damon Reveals Spoilers In Upcoming 'Justice League' Movie

Matt is getting ready for his big aquatic role by
training with US Navy SEALS.

Matt Damon has broken his silence about the new Justice League movie that is being directed by Zach Snyder, and slated to hit theaters in 2017. It is official: Matt will be playing Aquaman, the superhero of the Seven Seas and Lord of the Oceans. While discussing his upcoming role as one of the original founders of the Justice League, Matt had this to say,
Of course it's an honor to play one of the most versatile and well known super heroes. 71% of our planet's surface is covered by water. How long can Batman stay in his bat-submersible? Not too long. What I really like about the script is that Aquaman gets his own story line with a major plot twist.  
Aquaman's secret identity is SpongeBob SqarePants.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Jenny McCarthy Tells Everyone That She Is Marrying The Wrong Wahlberg

I'm never going near the Baldwin brothers
without a map!

Jenny McCarthy, co-host of The View and adversary of science based medicine, held a news conference and told the world that she was engaged to the wrong Wahlberg.
I think that thinking Donnie Wahlberg is his brother Mark Wahlberg is something everyone has done. Am I right or am I right?
Ms McCarthy went on to say that she fell in love with Mark's Golden Globe nominated role in The Departed. Ever since then she had her eyes on the actor.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Stephen Colbert Admits He Doesn't Really Know Stephen Colbert Anymore

When I sign am I signing this as Stephen Colbert or
as Stephen Colbert?
Stephen Colbert, TV and film actor, one time candidate for the President of South Carolina, and star of the Comedy Central show The Colbert Report is taking David Letterman's job in late night starting in 2015. Mr Colbert has publicly stated that he will not be playing the character on The Colbert Report -- Stephen Colbert. Instead, America will see the real Stephen Colbert.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Kevin Bacon Gets Into More Tweet Trouble

Kevin Bacon: Worst secret agent ever?

Kevin Bacon, actor extraordinaire, has been arrested and currently being held in a secret federal location due to a series of tweets that exposed his secret identity as a North Korean spy. This comes on the heals of Mr Bacon's revealing a major plot turn in his TV show 'The Following' before that episode was aired to the overseas audience.

It all started when Mr Bacon retweeted a message he had received from TV executive producer Jodi Gomes concerning the most recent episode. That message was sent worldwide via the messaging service, and ruining  the plot twist. What happened afterwards directly lead to the actor's arrest.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Idaho State Senator Stamps Out the Corrupting Influence of the Girl Scouts

Boise, Idaho Irving A. Falstaff, state senator from the Gem State's 3rd district, has announced a breakthrough in an ongoing fight against tax evasion and corruption: Girl Scouts are not going to get a free ride in his state.

"I have blocked a nefarious bill in the state legislature that would have allowed the pro-gay agenda, non-profit organization known as the Girl Scouts special treatment. There was a scheme to make the sale of Girl Scout cookies free of the sales tax." stated Senator Falstaff.

The Girl Scouts were trying to pass a law that would exempt them from paying 22 cents of tax per box of cookies sold. In all, the organization was expected to pay approximately $150,000 to the state.

Senator Falstaff, however, is not happy even though he has won this round of the political boxing match.

"The Girl Scouts continue to accept homosexuals in their ranks, and local groups are hotbeds for the recruitment of God fearing girls into the lesbian lifestyle. Their cookies reflect this unwholesome sickness. Just look at the names of their cookies: Do-si-Does, Trefoils, Dulce de Leche -- those sound very un American to me. I say we tax the un American cookies higher than the Thin Mints," Senator Falstaff said.

Critics of the state senator point out that he is more than likely going to facing a fierce political battle for his seat in the next election, and simply trying to divert attention away from his history of marital infidelity. Aids to the Idaho politician state that his sagging approval numbers in the recent polls has nothing to do with attacking the non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of countless girls.

*Although this story is a fake, the links above point to the real stories behind the real craziness.