Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Burger King Announces New Fry!

Everyone wants the new fries!
Adipose City, Burger Kingdom - Burger King, the burger empire whose monarch was recently deposed by a mass protest movement called the Greasy Spring, has made a major policy change: it's time to alter its fabled french fry. Under the previous regime the Burger King french fry was oppressed and could never reach its full deep fried potential. Now, the people have spoken! The new and improved Burger King french fry will be coated with a special coating made by the noble ergot fungi

Ergot is a naturally occurring fungi that grows on rye. Seeing that the Burger state is a major exporter of rye, it was only natural to incoporate the national mold with french fries. Prime Minister Sully DeBase made this statement during a one-on-one interview with The Newest News News

This spray that will be placed on the fries will increase the consumers' satisfaction a hundredfold. It will make the fries tastier by allowing each and every one to hold 50% more fat and salt. Best of all, it is 100% natural.
Do not ask where Moose and
Squirrel are -- or Trotsky
for that matter.
Not everyone is happy with the turn of events, however. Rumors that the prime minister has manipulated the fry enhancement decision making process are everywhere. The PM owns the largest rye farm in the country, and has been a vocal proponent of adding rye to everything from grilled cheese sandwiches (not popular) to roofing shingles. Joseph Stalin, science consultant to The Newsy News, raised the alarm concerning the new addition of ergot to fries.

Did not anyone notice that ergot is the main ingredient of LSD? The bourgeoisie kulaks have tricked the peasants to eating poison. These new fries have been on the market for weeks in the kingdom. Have you not seen recent You Tube videos from there? Whole country is like going to crazy house party.
So far the Obama administration is looking at the potential health effects of the new fry. Republican presidential nominee, Ron Paul, has stated that this is just another case of government interference.