|If the solar power-industrial complex wins,|
this mother will need to sell one of her kids to a
Muslim just to make ends meet.
"The power that the Sun wields is indeed a mighty thing," Mr Montgomery-King pronounced as he drank lemonade in the shade of the great oak tree just outside the state house. "But no matter how mighty it is, there is just so much of it to spread around. What's gonna happen if we use it all up?"
He raised an eyebrow and paused for a moment to give his point extra weight.
The state representative then went on to discuss the many problems Arkansas would face if all of the power of our local star were to be used up: high school football games would need to be lit during the day, gay marriage would succeed in devastating traditional relations between men and women (the politician didn't offer any details how that would happen), and, of course, roosters would be in a state of constant confusion.
Total bedlam would ensue.
"It's Obama's fault," the high school dropout turned political leader mused. "He wants the Sun to go dark so that we are all beholden to the government to give us energy. Solar power is just too dangerous for us to depend on."
When a reporter asked if wind power offered any hope as a source of power, a scowl flashed across Mr Montgomery-King's face. "Wind? You can't even fly a kite on most days 'round here. There's a lot less wind then there is Sun. Don't be fooled by the so-called alternative science of the alternative power industry."
*This story is 100% fake.